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Archive for October, 2015

Clouds

Sage is in the middle of a cloud journal for school – so she’s currently recording her cloud findings everyday.

Today was a cloudless day and we were talking about it on the way home.

Me: “Where do you think the clouds go?! Do you think God puts them in His cloud box until He’s ready to put them in the sky again?!” 

I always thought that was a sweet idea.

But very matter-of-factly, almost offended, my 7-year-old replied:

“No!! God wouldn’t put anything in a box!! (my heart stopped beating for a minute) He just picks them up and puts them in the skies of heaven – where we can’t see them. But they’re still free. He wants them to be free. He would never put them in a box.” (and now I’m not breathing)

Sage: “When He’s ready to show them to us again, He just picks them up and puts them back in our sky. And I think He shapes them.”

  
Of course they’re not in a box…He would never put anything in a box…He wants them to be free…

Because freedom is one of the reasons He came for us.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭61:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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You had to be there.

You have to hear the whole story to know why this picture still GETS ME.

5 years ago today (thank you, Timehop), I was laying in my hospital room holding my newborn son. I waited in anticipation as my daughters were about to meet their (long awaited and highly anticipated) brother. I couldn’t wait to see my trio together… To see my girls faces when they saw our new addition.

I could hear their girly giggles in the hall before they even made it to our room. Brad jumped up to meet them; hold them; joyfully walk them through this process of expanding our family and our love.

And then they rounded the corner: Brad, Brie (then 4) and Sage (then 2). My mom trailed eagerly behind them… allowing room for our family moment.

As I lay in bed staring and studying my girls’ faces, I saw two completely different reactions. Brie had the reaction I expected from both of them: she squealed, giggled, was filled with joy and proud to be a big sister again. My 2-year-old, though, studied our newborn very intently. She didn’t make a PEEP. As Brad held her, I saw her pull her arms and legs in – and then I knew. She was scared of him.

My heart hurt as I watched her – never taking her eyes off him. He was scrawny and flailing – probably not at all what she envisioned when she thought about getting a new baby at her house. I imagine she pictured something like an 8-month-old – smiling, sitting up, waving and cooing. But that wasn’t what she saw in our hospital room that day.

The girls sat down on the edge of my hospital bed. Brie couldn’t get enough of Silas and Sage just stared at him – while sitting safely in her daddy’s arms. My heart ached for her – knowing she had been so excited and then realizing that this wasn’t the “gift” she had expected. We talked to her, tried to explain things – but we didn’t make her touch him or hug him. We just gave her space and love.

Fast forward 30 minutes. My room is filled with about 6-8 visitors. The girls are still on the edge of my bed. Sage has never taken her eyes off her wiggly, squirmy brother, nor has she left her daddy’s lap. And then she did it.

While we were all talking and sharing life together, my Sage reached out and held Silas by the foot. Completely out of nowhere – with no prodding from us. And my world froze for a minute. I wondered how long she had wanted to do that but had been afraid. She had to reach past her fears and feelings and maybe even disappointment of this strange creature. He wasn’t the baby she imagined, but she loved him anyway. And she wanted him to know it.

The things my kids teach me leave me speechless.

Over the next hour, Sage got more and more comfortable with Silas. Before long, she wanted to hold him all the time. I don’t think I’ll ever forget, though, how she looked when she saw him; how scared she was; how surprised/confused she seemed; and how she reached out and touched him anyway.

I can’t even put into words the lessons that teaches me. It still gets me choked up. I hope I grow up to be 1/2 as wise and strong and brave and as loving as my amazing kids. I would consider that a life well-lived.

Here are a couple more pics from that special day:

(Notice Sage still has Brad by the hand) 😊 
  Thank you Father, for the gift of my family. It is the greatest gift you have ever given me – except for your Son.

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